When ‘Good Enough’ Just…Isn’t

As a writer (and probably every other profession out there), we are always looking for the next, big thing. That next, super-popular post gone viral, our 15 minutes of fame, or a new, original and undiscovered idea. And when we have it, we revel and bask in the glory, for a moment, that we have produced something quality, worthwhile and meaningful. Until the light fades and our public moves on to something newer, better or flashier. And we are left, once again, to frantically search and grasp for that next thrill, that next great idea; something that will be good enough to get the attention of the masses…again.

Every time this happen on this crazy wheel of blogging, I ask myself, what if I’m not good enough? What if I cannot come up with something else? What if eventually those great ideas and posts just run dry? What if I can never achieve that NEXT thing? What if…?

As a blogger, I compete with hundreds of thousands of other writers and websites for my readers’ attention. I’m up against very talented women who blog about family, crafts, homeschooling, marriage, Christian living, recipes, and on and on and on. Even so, I like to consider myself in a smaller niche of writers where I won’t post the healthiest and tastiest crock pot recipe, the best tips and tricks on being an organized, homeschooling SAHM, or the most beautiful, pinterest-ready image featuring my amazingly inspiring words of wisdom about godly parenting and marriage. And unless I think it is absolutely something my readers cannot live without, you won’t find shamelessly promoted affiliate links or randomly advertised products within my content.

I consider Made to Mother a ministry….a nonmoney-making space where woman can feel refreshed or encouraged in their trials and triumphs of motherhood by reading about other’s similar stories or sharing their own. But, despite this resolve, I still have to compete with the many, many, MANY other bloggers out there who want the same readers’ attention. And I admit, I dream of the day when I have thousands of hits a day on my site, so many entries for stories that I have to turn some away and even more comments, likes and followers than I can keep up with. Granted, I am not there yet, but I think that for only having started M2M seven months ago, it is doing fairly well. Still, those “what ifs” are always in the back of my mind and I am consistently forced to lay this blog and its future at the feet of the One who has orchestrated and placed a writing burden on my heart.

So, when I feel that I am not good enough, that Made to Mother is not good enough, I remind myself that He IS and I trust that He will guide both as long as He sees fit.

good-enough

Family Leave Isn’t Just For Moms – A Dad’s Story

If you’ve just had a baby, the last thing you want to think about is going back to work. You want to spend as long as possible with your newborn, bonding, cuddling and getting to know your baby. If this is your first baby, chances are the baby monitor is your best friend, as you listen carefully for every cry or whimper in the night. You are nervous, anxious and slightly on edge. And this applies to men and women equally.

Unfortunately, too often it seems that maternity leave and paternity leave are not long enough. Before you know it, it seems that you are back at work, trying to juggle the challenges of a job and a newborn.

Family leaves in America and Australia are often short and unpaid in contrast to many European countries, many of which are a full year-long at full pay.

This can be detrimental to the whole family – mother, father, newborn and any other siblings. Although the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) was passed in 1993, this law only protects a job (or an equivalent position) for up to 12 weeks, but does not guarantee paid time off.

What Is Maternity/Paternity Leave?

Family leave includes maternity, paternity, adoption leave and any leave in case of illness or death. Not every company offers paid maternity/paternity leave, in some cases requiring both men and women to use a combination of their short term disability, vacation time, personal time or sick days.

The FMLA is applicable to both men and women and can be used whether giving birth to a baby or adopting a baby. However, there are some restrictions. Smaller companies (less than 50 employees) and your length of employment (less than 12 months), plus your salary (if you are in the top 10%), could negate FMLA.

Some states have family leave acts that are broader than the federal mandate. A 2012 National Partnership study found that 14 states and the District of Columbia have laws that go beyond the federal FMLA. California and New Jersey in particular provide paid family leave insurance to eligible employees through payroll contributions.

A Case For Extended Maternity Leave

A new study done by University of Maryland researchers monitored 800 women in Minnesota for up to a year after giving birth. It confirms that a longer maternity leave reduces a woman’s risk of postpartum depression, and that 12 weeks guaranteed by the FMLA is simply not enough.

Because many women can’t afford to take off time from work that is unpaid, they rush back to work. But, the study revealed that women who return to work sooner than six months after childbirth have an increased risk of postpartum depressive symptoms. About 7  of the mothers in the study went back to work within six weeks, 46  by twelve weeks, and 87  by six months. Because 13  reported postpartum symptoms, researchers concluded that 12 weeks “may not be sufficient for mothers at risk for or experiencing postpartum depression.” Additionally, mothers who extended their maternity leaves have been found to breastfeed longer, which many experts agree is healthier for the baby. Women who take leave prior to delivery are also four times less likely to deliver via a C-section than a vaginal delivery.

Men Reluctant to Take Paternity Leave

Although some companies pride themselves on their generous maternity leave policies, men are often short-changed. Some employers like Yahoo and Bank of America offer paid paternity leave, however, research shows that men are more reluctant to take advantage of the paid time off. The reasons? A fear of losing their status at work because of some outdated notions about the father’s role as “head of household.” Despite a 2011 study done by the Boston College Center for Work and Family that states about 85  of fathers take some time off after the birth of a baby, few take more than one to two weeks. Why? Some cave to the antiquated notion that work should come before family and that it is virtually impossible to focus on both. Others face ridicule and insults from men without children for seeming less dedicated to their work and “wimpy” or “henpecked” by their wives. For instance, even though Ernst & Young offers up to six weeks with pay, more than 90  of fathers use only two weeks. When the Wall Street Journal conducted a survey on Facebook, there was a distinct difference of opinion in the generations, with younger fathers recognizing the value of paternity leave, while older workers worrying about the negative perceptions.

Interestingly, though, just like with women, longer paternity leaves are shown to have long-term benefits. Researchers at Columbia University found a direct correlation between longer paternity leaves and a greater involvement in child care.

Economic Losses

There is also the worry about economic losses resulting from maternity or paternity leave. According to a 2012 study by the Families and Work Institute, just 14  of employers offer any kind of paid leave for the spouses of women who have given birth. In fact, research points to the fact that women usually reduce their work hours after becoming a parent while men generally increase theirs, resulting in a perception that women are less committed to their jobs. Women on the “mommy track” tend to earn less than non-mothers and single men and substantially less than married fathers. A survey of more than 12,000 fathers found that men who reduce their work hours or take time off for family reasons were also likely to experience lower earnings over the course of their working lives.

Without a doubt, both Moms and Dads would benefit from longer maternity and paternity leaves. Although more companies are offering paid maternity leave as a way to retain women, many forget about fathers who want to spend time with their newborns or mothers who have better jobs than fathers and can’t take as much time off. It should not be seen as maternity leave or paternity leave but as a family issue that affects everyone. Many agree that fathers who take paternity leave offer peace of mind to mothers returning to work, save money on child-care costs (if their leave is paid), and may be more involved with caring for their children over time, freeing mothers up to take on more work.

More progressive companies are realizing that having a better balance between work and home creates healthier employees and a better company culture in the long run. I hope that in the future, both men and women can take paid leave peacefully, without worrying about money or losing a job on top of their newfound parental responsibilities.

~~~~~

Jeffrey A. Kasky, Esq. is a Florida adoption lawyer and Vice President of One World Adoption Services, Inc., a Florida-licensed not-for-profit child placing agency. Jeff’s diverse career experiences include co-authoring the book, “99 Things You Wish You Knew Before … Choosing Adoption” with Robert A. Kasky, Florida-certified law enforcement officer, and involvement in the autism community, including a TV show focused on helping families with legal issues related to autism called “Spectrum at Law” on The Autism Channel. A practicing attorney since 1995, he has worked on more than one thousand adoption cases.

dad-paternity

Made to Mother Project Update AND A Motherhood Monday Link Up

I have been so blessed by all the women I have “met” these past few months, the stories that have poured in and all the people who continue to visit this site, week after week to read these amazing and heroic stories of motherhood. Thank you, thank you, thank you to the women who have opened up themselves and shared their stories here, and thank you to everyone else, as well, for your faithful readership, comments, likes and social media shares. I had no idea back in December when I started this blog just how successful it would become and God continues to amaze me each week as more stories come in.

I have also been so encouraged by the outpouring of interesting responses from the M2M Survey and thought maybe you might like an update on what those look like. Here are some of the answers and data I have received from the 100s of responses to the survey:

Breakdown of types of mothers taking the survey:

Biological Mother 87.50%
Adoptive Mother 12.50%
Foster Mother 12.50%
Step Mother 6.25%
Single Mother 12.50%
Babysitter/Nanny/Childcare/Teacher 25.00%

Other sub-categories of mothers who’ve taken the survey:

Mom of One 18.75%
Mom of Few (2-4) 68.75%
Mom of Many 18.75%
Mom of Babies 43.75%
Adoptee Mom 6.25%
Stay at Home Mom 68.75%
Working Mom 50.00%
Homeschooling Mom 25.00%
Religious Mom 75.00%

Where moms get their advice from:

Friends 87.50%
Mother 81.25%
Sister 43.75%
Grandmother 6.25%
Mentor 31.25%

If you would still like to add your voice, please take the M2M Survey here!

I have loved reading the diverse stories that have poured in, but there are so many I would still love to hear from out there…some of which include:

  1. international and multicultural moms
  2. mommies with 5 or more children (aka, moms of many!)
  3. women who have been surrogates
  4. teenage/young adult nannies or babysitters
  5. stepmothers
  6. full-time working moms (preferably outside of the home)
  7. mothers with diverse religious backgrounds

If you or someone you know would be interested in sharing their story and answering a couple questions about how you mother in the above ways or any other kind of mom story you’d like to share, please email me at wynterkaiser@gmail.com THANKS!

And now for the Link Up!

Please also visit M2M on Twitter @made2mother and like on Facebook.com/madetomother!

MMLinkUp
<div align="center"><a href="http://madetomother.com" title="Made to Mother"><img src="https://madetomother.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/mmlinkupbutton.jpg" alt="Made to Mother" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Grab the Link Up button!

The Made to Mother Project is dedicated to encouraging, supporting and inspiring women by sharing their stories of motherhood. I hope that this link-up will continue to grow our community of mothers. Please read the guidelines below for information on how to join!

LINK UP GUIDELINES

  • Please post family-friendly topics/websites. Bonus points if they have to do with mothering!
  • Be sure to link back to your blog post not your homepage.
  • Share the Linky love – visit a page or two linked up here and leave them a nice comment.
  • Oh, and a link back to Made to Mother using the button above or a sweet shout-out would be awesome, too!


 

To the Mother of All Boys – Guest Post by Cheryl at Since I Became a Mom

I am a mother of three boys and I have always heard comments like:

Are you going to try for your girl?

Three boys…whoa…you must be tired.

Or that awful saying that goes something like this:

A son is a son until he takes him a wife.  A daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life.

For the most part, these statements don’t bother me – well, maybe except for the last one…who wants to ever think their child will go off and never return? What a terrible thought, but the statements aren’t exactly encouraging or uplifting, either.

Recently though, I heard a comment about my boys that I continually turned around in my head until it seeped into my heart and made me feel like I could not possibly be blessed more than by being a mother of three sons. We were visiting my grandmother in her senior living center and one of the ninety-something year-old ladies came up to me and said, “You have such beautiful boys.”  Then she hesitated, as if trying to decide if she should say more before finally adding, “I have three sons too and I love it. They take such good care of me.”

She said it with such joy and pride and went on to tell me how they treated her so well.  She ended our conversation by firmly stating, “They take better care of me than any daughter ever could. I am so happy I have three sons.”

Her words were lovely and I felt uplifted.

If I think about it, I can see my boys also being amazing to me if someday I found myself in her shoes. They already have all kinds of super hero powers and are continually fighting off the villains that daily enter our home.  I know they will always be my protectors.

I am their favorite girl and they tell me so each and every day.  How lovely will it be to always have three handsome men visiting me no matter how old I am? That’s got to be good for the ego.

With them around, do I really ever need to open a door for myself?  I will always be treated like royalty.

You should see some of the stuff they come up with when building Legos or how they strategically place their Spy Gear around the house so they know exactly what is going on. To me, these are signs of brilliant, future adult minds, all capable of taking care of their mom.

As the lady at the retirement home walked away, I called to her, “Thank you for saying that to me.” She turned back around and our eyes met.  We exchanged a knowing look that only two mother of all boys would understand, connecting us across two generational gaps.

Mother of all boys.  Yes, I do believe I hit the jackpot.

~~~~~

Cheryl blogs at www.sinceibecameamom.blogspot.com.  She and her husband have three wonderful boys ages 8, 7 and 4. She loves blogging, photography and finding joy in everyday life.

cherylfamforweb

A M2M First: Veil of Tears DVD and Book Giveaway!

A nation that boasts of being the largest democratic nation in the world, India may very well be still in the dark ages when it comes to the treatment of women. In the caste system of India, each person is born into their place in the world, with no way out. If they are born rich, they will stay rich. If born poor, they will stay poor and pass it on to their children and their children’s children, as well. But even women born into wealthy families are considered inferior. Marriages are arranged and despite being outlawed in 1961, the use of dowries are still the norm. Forty percent of girls in India, across all castes are married off under 18 years of age, sometimes as young as 14 or 15.

Bearing daughters is viewed as shameful and if a woman gives birth to two girls in a row, she is often considered cursed. In many of the poorer parts of the country, some husbands force their wives and young daughters into prostitution. Kidnapping, rape and sex trafficking is high and in a shame-dominated culture, 90% of rape cases in India go unreported. Widows are untouchable, shunned and sometimes even blamed for the deaths of their husbands. Because of this widespread oppression, the suicide rate among women in India is 21 times higher than anywhere else in the world.

How can we change this? Gospel for Asia is! They are going door-to-door, from city to city, village to village, beginning relationships and offering help and hope. Starting churches, providing literacy classes, teaching women skills to earn a living so they can provide for their families and take care of themselves. GFA is talking to them about hygiene, healthcare and sickness prevention. And most importantly, offering words of hope and love from a God and Savior who has not forgotten them and values them as His very own daughters.

For more information about the Gospel for Asia and how you can get involved, please visit their website at http://www.gfa.org/veiloftears

And now for the giveaway!

Enter to win this Veil of Tears DVD Pack, including:

  1. Veil of Tears DVD, church edition
  2. Mini Movie Poster
  3. 4 Yellow and Black “Help Rescue a Woman” Awareness Bracelets
  4. 15 Veil of Tears Awareness Cards
  5. And BONUS BOOK: Revolution in World Missions

Enter at the link below or on the M2M Facebook page. Get more entries by liking the M2M Facebook page or leaving a sweet comment on any M2M story on the blog. Giveaway ends on Monday, August 11 at 12 a.m. PST and winner will be announced and notified the following week. Thank you for helping make a difference in these girls’ lives!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

VeilOfTears