Unplanned Motherhood: Day 3 – Ana’s Story

This story is part of the M2M Series, Unplanned Motherhood: Stories of Teen Moms. To read the others, please click here. In order to capture the purity of these young women’s accounts and the integrity of who they are as teenage mothers, I have done very little, if any, editing, including their use of bad language, so please be warned; this story, in addition to being choppy, is raw, unadulterated and contains heavy profanity. Therefore, reader discretion is advised.

I would love to introduce myself to you, beautiful person. I am Ana and I am 17 years old expecting a baby and have a one year-old. My advice to you, young mothers and fathers out there is to never give up, have faith and hope in yourselves! You’re not alone in this. I struggle just like you and nobody said having a baby was easy.

As a teenager, I was one-of-a-kind, running around and thinking I can do whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. I was the girl that hangs out with more guys than girls. I thought that guys bring less drama than girls, which was somewhat true. I always got kicked out of school, did drugs and used alcohol. I used to lose myself doing my thing. Sometimes I wouldn’t even show up to my house or school. I was loved by a few and hated by many! Still, to this day that is a fact in my life and I’ve learned to deal with it.

One day I fell in love with a boy I used to know from my hood, where we both live in Forest Grove. I started to date him and thought I was seriously, deeply in love with this guy that when he asked me to move in with him, I agreed. After dating for two years, I got pregnant with my baby boy. On May 12, 2012 I found out I was pregnant and I was the happiest girl in the world! Me and my man at the time were together and happy . We both were excited to have a baby together. That same day we found out, we went to my parent’s house and told them the big news. They were so happy for us. They supported us through it. By the time I found out, I was already 4 months, so I only had 5 months to go and the next month I would know the gender of my baby. The day we found out we were having a baby boy, my baby’s dad was happier than before.

Around my last trimester of my pregnancy, me and my man were having problems, so I left him and moved back with my parents. Around that time I moved out he still came looking for me, but I didn’t want to see him no more, not even in pictures.  I was fed up with him and his games. I disconnected my phone so he wouldn’t have a way to get ahold of me. I moved on with my life, I was set that I could do this. I always knew that God would not have put something in my life that I couldn’t achieve.  I enrolled myself back in school, stopped doing what I used to do. Not for me but the human being I was carrying inside me and my future. I was still this crazy girl inside but I knew I had to grow up. It took me a lot of time, but one thing I didn’t ever do was give up. I took baby steps. I’ve had my bumps in the road, but I’ve conquered them all successfully.

I got induced and on October 6, 2012 I had Damian. I was the “happiest woman alive!” I am not the kind of girl that cries, but I cried when I saw him for the first time. I remember that day like it was just yesterday. After that day I put my all to my son, till one day I got back to my old ways. I was hurting inside because I had a kid of my own to take care of. I was happy, but some kind of feeling I can’t explain was in me. I had a big bump in the road and I ended up being away from my son for a couple months. My parole officer sent me to a 4-5 month program/shelter home. I missed my baby like no other and it was the hardest thing I’ve done my life. It’s like someone killing you slowly, or worse. I would see him like every week or sometimes twice or on my passes if I didn’t get them taken away. I stayed longer than others because I smoked on my first pass. We usually get a urine analysis the next morning after you went on a pass. I was finding the sad part about this is that I knew what I was putting myself into.

This was a year ago and its crazy how time flies by. I successfully graduated from the Harkins House. Then soon after I got out I went back to detention because I went back to my old ways. I didn’t learn my lesson that easy! I would drink and smoke every day I would show up to school. I would leave my kid at home with my parents to go and do my thing, which is really cold and now my heart aches just sitting here and realizing the fucked up shit I would do to my handsome baby boy. At that point I didn’t give a fuck about NOTHING! I was really selfish, always wanting it to be about me and only me. I didn’t realize that I was not just hurting myself, I was also hurting the people around me. I spent like 2 or 4 whole weeks in a juvenile jail. I didn’t come out of my room. I wanted to be alone and when I put my mind to something I accomplish it like a champ! It took me that long to be alone in my cell, to get everything inside my selfish self. I even had court and didn’t want to go to a rehab where my parole officer wanted to send me to, so I stayed longer. I finally cleared my head up being isolated, thinking and sinking in all I’d been through in the time I’d been out and knew that I actually needed help. I then called my attorney and let him know what’s up with me. He was happy for me, so was my parole officer.

On October 2, 2013 I got into rehab. It was located in the same place but on the other side of the building. I kept realizing a lot of things there as well that I had to do and change about my lifestyle. I am thankful to that place even though it’s not a good place to be. I learned a lot of good shit in there! I’ve accomplished a lot of things up in that place and I am really blessed to have these people taking all bullshit I’ve put them through! I thank God for sticking with me and till this day keeping me sober and being a boss!

I graduated on January 30, 2014 from my rehab program. That’s when my “new journey” had just started for me and my baby boy and family. On March 2, 2014 I accomplished a year and a half being sober! I am Ana and still an addict inside and need help so I attend my narcotics anonymous (N.A.) meetings three times a week. I am the happiest and most blessed woman in this universe! On May 2, 2014, it was 8 months that I have changed my lifestyle and my decisions. I am like a new person, with good intentions, but still got that bad bitch in me! This July I will be getting off my paper/probation. I am so excited, there is no words to explain how I feel about myself and what I have done to be who I am today! One thing I would not change is my life. I believe that everything happens for a damn reason! I have no regrets, I’ve just made mistakes just like anybody in this lovely earth that our Lord gave us. I know that God has a plan for me and I am slowly getting there. This is not even half of my “crazy story,” this is just the top facts about what I’ve been through after I had my baby boy. I thank you all that take the time of day to sit here and let me share a part of my life with you. God bless you all!

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9 thoughts on “Unplanned Motherhood: Day 3 – Ana’s Story

  1. Ana,
    Congrats on being sober for the past year and a half ….and for all the positive steps you’ve taken for yourself and for your son 🙂 Praying God’s peace and blessings on you and your son today….Keep going to N.A. and all that you’re doing to take care of yourself and your son.

  2. Ana, you have a sense of the Divine order of things. I can tell by your essay above that you know there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives – and that that reason is for our good. Your son and the child you now carry are given to you intentionally. They are not random or accidental, even if unplanned by our limited human vision. They are making you into a better person. A person learning to respect herself and treat herself well. A person who wants to make decisions that are healthy and that will lead to the richest experience of life possible. I pray that you will continue to find this recovery path rewarding, if not also at times a bit strenuous perhaps. You are giving your children a great gift in sculpting a better life for all of you. I honor you for the courage it takes to ignite change. Bless you, dear friend.

  3. God bless you, Ana! Congrats on staying sober and my wish for you is that you can continue that and work to raise your baby boy with all the love he deserves and I know you already give him. You’re a special lady and I know you have more determination and persistence than most people. May God bless you and keep you always, Ana.
    God’s Peace,
    Kelsey

  4. Dear Ana, I can relate to a bit of your story…I made some wild & crazy choices as a teen too, and had two children before I settled down completely (and that is only by the grace of God! Jesus gave me strength to change!!)
    If you read your comments, please come by my blog & read my story about unplanned pregnancies 🙂 Maybe it’ll encourage you, I know God has even MORE in store for your future!

    http://www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com/2009/11/every-person-has-divine-purpose.html

  5. Ana, thank you for sharing your story.
    You’ve changed your life around, one of the hardest things anyone can ever do! I hope you have tones of support around you so when you start to struggle or feel it’s all going wrong you have people to lean on, because all of us have those times, and all of us need that help, buffering us and keeping us on track.
    You’ve gone through tough experiences, I hope you never need to again!
    It was great to be able to read your story through the #SHINEbloghop – thanks for joining!

  6. Ana, thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably. There is so much healing in sharing our pain, and joy in celebrating our triumphs. I’m so glad you are finding help and taking care of yourself and your son. I love the quote by Corre Ten Boom, “there are no “if’s in God’s Kingdom.” God has good plans for you. You are loved and held in the Loving Arms of your Maker. May you continue to find courage to be the beautiful woman you are. Much love, Paula

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